so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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