I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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