I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
