fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize