girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
