I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
