Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
