Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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