went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
