I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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