1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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