last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
