tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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