I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
