Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
