how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize