What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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