This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize