Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
