I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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