Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
