So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
