Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
