respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
