I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Randomize
