I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm bleeding and have questions
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
