I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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