got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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