Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
