tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize