Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
