Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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