It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
