just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
