Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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