Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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