now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
