I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
