Already got asked if we're dating
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
