I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
