are you still at the devil's house?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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