Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We were destined to go to rehab together
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
