she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
