I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
