I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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