I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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