nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
