You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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