I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I could fuck to npr.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
