I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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