btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
