when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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