i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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