I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
