pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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