Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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