Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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