Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
