I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
God, I missed his penis.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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