I smell stomach acid.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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