Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize