U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
