He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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