you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
