You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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