its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she looked like the before picture.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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