just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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