4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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