Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
