I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
