I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
