Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
