i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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