my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
