Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
