hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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