I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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