I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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