I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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