Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
