yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
