do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
