It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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