I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
