Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
