last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
