saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
