then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
