I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
