That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize